Happy Thanksgiving from WIB! We hope you enjoy a long, lazy vacation. We’ll return with new posts Monday, but in the meantime, enjoy the second installment of Coworkers Are Boring:

The Crazy Lady Across From Me. She is terrifyingly outgoing. She’s the kind of person that will greet you and make you feel like the two of you did something really fun last night that you can’t quite seem to remember. She doesn’t smile at you in a friendly way, but rather beams at you until her smile looks like it stretches to both of the vertical horizons of her head and that if you tapped on her forehead, the top of her head would swing backwards on the hinges created by the huge, toothy gap on her face. She also talks to herself more than anyone I’ve ever met. Not in the way that someone would usually talk to themself, like if I were to sit down and say to myself, “Okay, let’s see here…” But in the way where I always swear that she is on the phone with someone. Usually, her conversations with herself are a result of her completely botching something up, and sound something like this:

“Oh, wait, but I didn’t do that. Oh shoot! Shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot. Oh, what? Wait, but, I don’t understand! How come it’s like that? Oooooooh! So are you supposed to type this in? What do you mean? Shoot. Shoot, shoot, shoot. I didn’t know that.”

One time I was listening to Shostakovich at my desk. The Crazy Lady walked out of her office, and stopped to look at me.

“Is that Aaron Copeland?” she asked.

“Shostakovich,” I said. “Oh,” she uttered in a dissapointed tone, and sadly walked away.

Aaron Copeland? Fuck you.

Aaron Copeland, Noted American Douchebag

Addendum: Since I first wrote this account, The Crazy Lady has been fired. There were two particularly humorous events that led up to this. The first was a botched processing of some big checks, which subsequently affected the credit of our company (A blue-chip, multi-national conglomerate). The second involved a check that she mistakingly processed in the amount of ONE BILLION dollars. When the bank emailed her to make sure that this amount didn’t have an extra two or three zeroes, she replied with an email that simply read, “LOL.”